Chains and Chuckles

AIRLINE SECURITY: On an overnight British Airways flight from Phoenix, AZ to London, an American man and a British woman were disturbing other passengers because they were too "noisy" while sharing a fully reclining seat. After flight attendants asked them to "keep it down," the couple, who were believed to have not known each other before the flight, went back to their own seats. "We certainly would not encourage this sort of behavior," said a British Airways spokesman, who couldn't help but add a marketing message to his statement: "They obviously found our Club Class seats extremely comfortable." The sturdy seat belts and flotation devices sure came in handy too.

SECURELY STORED UNDER THE MATTRESS: Professor Brian Pronger of the University of Toronto, has received a $110,000 grant from the Social Science and Humanities Research Council to catalogue and research a gigantic new collection donated to the university -- a pornography collection: 500 books, 800 magazines, 2,000 videos, 300 computer CDs, and more. "The collection tells us a lot about our society now," says Pronger, a professor of Physical Education, "but think of its value to researchers 50 or 100 years from now. It will be like going into the ruins of Pompeii." (Toronto Star) I think he meant Sodom and Gomorrha.

The possibilities for slogans here are endless.

"When we say we beat the competition, we really mean it!"

Now I'm at something of a loss for words here.
What can I say about this story?

She knew she lost control of the class
when less than half had done their homework,

which was an analysis of the function and motivation
of the damsel-in-distress character in popular fiction,

Maybe they were just doing lab work on the subject.

Tying Up Teacher 101 used to be a college level course.

Finally, a reason to regret dropping out of high school
in my Junior year, taking a GED and starting college.

Who says high school classes aren't relevant to real life?

Her hands were bound with extension cords,
because they taped her mouth
before she could tell them about the handcuffs in her purse.

"A local high school teacher is found bound
and gagged by students who wanted less homework.
Film at 11, -- on pay per view."

The prince noticed a gradual change coming over Ariel,
as she spent more and more time on websites like shevette's and Red's Realm.

The 12 Days of Christmas

On the 1st day of Christmas, my master gave to me...
A Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 2nd day of Christmas, my master gave to me...
2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 3rd day of Christmas, my master gave to me...
3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 4th day of Christmas, my master gave to me...
4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 5th day of Christmas, my master gave to me...
FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 6th day of Christmas, my master gave to me...
6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS,.4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 7th day of Christmas, my master gave to me...
7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 8th day of Christmas, my master gave to me...
8 Floggers Flogging, 7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 9th day of Christmas, my master gave to me...
9 Candles Dripping, 8 Floggers Flogging, 7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 10th day of Christmas, my master gave to me...
10 Lords a Whipping, 9 Candles Dripping, 8 Floggers Flogging, 7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 11th day of Christmas, my master gave to me...
11 Pairs of Stockings, 10 Lords a Whipping, 9 Candles Dripping, 8 Floggers Flogging, 7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 12th day of Christmas, my master gave to me...
12 Orgasms Screaming, 11 Pairs of Stockings, 10 Lords a Whipping, 9 Candles Dripping, 8 Floggers Flogging, 7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

Kinky Quotes Heard Around Thanksgiving:

"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"
"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."
"Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."
"Talk about a huge breast!"
"It's Cool Whip time!"
"If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"
"Are you ready for seconds yet?"
"Are you going to come again next time?"
"It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"
"Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"
"Don't play with your meat."
"Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."
"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"
"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"
"You still have a little bit on your chin."
"Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."
"How long will it take after you stick it in?"
"You'll know it's ready when it pops up."
"Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"
"How many are coming?"
"That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"
"Just lay back & take it easy...I'll do the rest."
"How long do I beat it before it's ready?"

Your Kids Might Have Inherited Your Kink If...
[-- Slightly modified from the original by the very witty and talented Alkallah.]

The neighbors complain that your kids do full body cavity searches when playing cops and robbers.
Your son uses Twizzlers as floggers.
You go in the playroom and find an interrogation chair built entirely of Legos.
You come home and find them tickling a bound and gagged baby-sitter.
Your son wants to know when he'll get his allowance, because he needs to pay his tab at the hardware store.
You tell your daughter she's too old to spank, and she assures you she isn't.
You yell to your daughter to do her chores, and she answers she's tied up right now,... and she really is tied up.
Your three year old is strutting around with clothespins hanging off her tongue.
Their favorite game is Cowboy and Dominatrix.
Your son earned his merit badge in tying knots...twelve times.
You notice his G.I. Joe has Barbie on a leash.
You bought a clothes dryer because every time your kids went out to play, the clothesline and clothespins vanished.
You ask your son to walk the dog, and later notice the dog's still home, but the leash and your daughter aren't.
They made a violet wand for their science fair.

Embarassing EMail Addresses.

Many colleges and businesses strip a last name down to 6 characters and add the first and middle initial to either the beginning or end to make an e-mail address. For example, Mary L. Ferguson would be mlfergus or fergusml. This has resulted in the following email addresses:

Helen Thomas Eatons (Duke University) eatonsht@dku.edu
Mary Ellen Dickinson (Indiana University of Pennsylvania) dickinme@iup.edu
Francis Kevin Kissinger (Las Verdes University) kissinfk@lvu.edu
Amanda Sue Pickering (Purdue University) aspicker@pu.edu
Ida Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University) ibballin@bsu.edu
Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical Northern Division, Overton Canada) btkisser@bendover.com
Isabelle Haydon Adcock (Toys "R" Us) ihadcock@tru.com
Martha Elizabeth Cummins (Fresno University) cumminme@fu.edu
George David Blowmer (Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets) blowmegd@dropdrawers.com
Barbara Joan Beeranger (Myplace Home Decorating) beeranbj@myplace.com

Danger of Sex in a Van

A young couple are making passionate love in a van when suddenly the girl, being a regular on Red's Realm, yells out "Whip me, whip me!"

The guy doesn't have any whips on hand, but not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, in a flash of inspiration, opens the window, snaps the aerial off his van and proceeds to whip the girl until they both collapse in sado-masochistic ecstasy.

A week later, the girl notices that the marks from the whipping are starting to fester a little, so she goes to a doctor.

The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"

The girl is a little embarrassed but admits that, yes, she did.

Nodding his head the doctor says, "I thought so, because in all my years of doctoring...

you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen!"

Top Ten Reasons Trick or Treating is Better Than Sex:

10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.

6. Person you're with doesn't fantasize you're someone else.

5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.

4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky.

3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2. Less guilt the next morning.

And the number 1 reason trick or treating is better than sex...

If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door!

Top Ten Ways to Tell You're Spending Too Much Time in Red's Realm

10: You stop in the pet section in the grocery store to look at the collars.

9: You were disappointed when you read Of Human Bondage.

8: When your wife can't come to the phone, you get a kick out of telling people, "She's tied up right now."

7: Your first and favorite scout badge was for knot tying.

6: Kitchen utensils are often found in your bedroom.

5: Your Master/Mistress made you read this.

4: Tack shops: Not just for equestrians anymore.

3: You own and use handcuffs, but you don't work in law enforcement.

2: Your contracts involve punishments, but not money.

And the number 1 sign you just might be spending a little too much time in Red's Realm...

You keep the hardware store adverstisments with your other pornography!

Free	Members
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Things_Not_To_Say_During_Sex.rm 530 KB	Things_Not_To_Say_During_Sex.mp3 2.7 MB

Members Only Costume_Party Banned_Commercial.rm 680 KB MasterCard Priceless Ad 1.5 MB Members Only KidStoned 530 KB	Members Only Costume_Party Banned_Commercial.wmv 680 KB MasterCard Priceless Ad 1.5 MB Members Only KidStoned 1MB

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